This experience happened several years ago.This is called...Goddess DelveG
Goddess Journal Entry 91
February 13, 2006
There really are no words to properly say how I feel during meditation. The colors and images come in waves, like the wake on a river bank, translucent with tinges of opaque. I am unsure what the images mean most of the time…but always I am comforted, calmed and taught. I sit here now, writing this memory down I hope to share it one day, for I feel such moments are too beautiful to keep to myself.
I hope that one day when my hair is no longer the color of a Scottish burn, and the Crone walks by my side, my memories of these moments are as clear as in this time. I wish this because, when I feel the path through the Veil opens to me, I want to leave these memories to my children… so that they will know… what they might not have seen and believe.
Every night I have the same routine. I remove the remains of the last feeding in the kitchen and scrub every surface so one cannot see that four children just destroyed a huge meal. I make sure the smaller four of the afore mentioned sprouts are tubbed, scrubbed, jammied and put to bed. I stop in to check on my one teenager of the bunch to make sure he is well. I tidy up after the day's onslaught against my clean house and eventually waddle into my bedroom. My husband is usually already there warming the bed with his old bear snore that I know and have come to love. I smile gently at him as I brush the hair out of his eyes. Now, it is my turn, for tonight is special.
Instead of going to bed, I rummage through a small chest given to me as an “I love you” gift by my husband. Its surface is peppered with age and the dings of moves, use, and time. Inside are all manner of herbs, resins, and seeds. I root through the collection of bags, boxes and vials looking for that one herb I need for tonight's working. There it is. The small cobalt vial I am so familiar with. Its decorative pewter workings aged and smoothed with frequent use. I collect the other things I need from my magical cabinet: charcoal, burner, candle, altar cloth, odds and ends. I bundle them neatly into the silk bag that is my constant companion during these workings. It is beginning to become thread bare; but it is full of meaning for me and I shall never discard it. I will simply work it into the lining of the next bag I make. I fetch my cloak and go outside into the cold, clear night.
My old bamboo torch sits at the head of the path beaten into the woods. I strike the old Zippo I use for these occasions. The art work on the side of the case is still as vibrant as when I first painted it. I touch the flaming wick to the sleeping one and watch it breathe into being. Blue flame slips seductively to life, seeming to burn in the air above the wick as the orange flame births from it. I hold the torch aloft to light my way through the narrow path worked out through the undergrowth of the small forest behind my house.
The forest canopy is high above me and the cold night breeze blows strong. I pull my woolen cloak tighter around me as the tall Pines bend and creek and the Hardwoods rustle and mark my passing with the few leaves left to them by winter’s kiss.
Ahead of me, just to the left of the path, through a slit in the underbrush, is my destination. I step though this narrow space and the wind no longer reaches me. My breath floats in the now still air, shimmering and frosty in the cold. Everything is filled with a deep wild magick here inside this place.
It is a natural circle of trees. Ancient hedges reach skywards, trying to reach the height of the pines. Yews watch the May Haw trees dip their roots into the small still stream that borders the ring on one side. All manner of wild vine and undergrowth come together to create something almost like a wall around this place; hiding it from view. It is cleared in the center, by the hands of nature, not mine. It is a beautiful place, serene, quiet and gentle.
In the warm months, gorgeous vines of wild yellow jasmine fill the canopy above this circle, but now, in the sparseness of winter, it is devoid of any colors or warmth. Instead, it is glittering with billions of stars and bare branches sparkling with frost in the silvery blue light moonlight of the full moon. Magickal is the word to describe this place, my place, my temple.
I walk within the circle of trees and smaller plants singing, chanting, touching, and clearing my mind. The land seems to vibrate as I make my rounds…filling me with the pulse of Gaia's heartbeat. There is a stone in the center of this sacred space. The stone, found and brought there by me; now looks as though it has been there for all the time that has past and will be there for all time yet to come. I go there to sit on the ground before it.
I open my worn silken bag and take out the precious items from within: altar cloth, candle, herb, bowl, incense, water and oil. The tools are placed onto the stone and I begin The Seeking Journey, The Goddess Delve. The smoke from the herb dances with the smoke from the incense, mingling, twisting like two sacred snakes in a mating rite.
As I sit watching the full moon swell into the diamond cast sky, I close my eyes and wait. The scented smoke of the incense and herb, drift toward me, perfuming my senses with clarity and vibration.
After pouring the purified water into the scrying bowl, I add the handmade ink to the water to paint whatever images may come. I dab my forehead with oil to open my mind's eye. The candle lights the black surface of the water giving me a mirror in which to see my true self and the universe in which She dwells. As I look into the water mirror, I see my reflection, the oil glistening on my forehead in the candlelight...and the reflection of the stars floating overhead. I focus and wait. I have asked to learn what is willing to be taught. After a bit I feel a slow droning chant build in my center and flow from me into the night, calling out to the Surround. The chant continues and I feel myself slip away into the void… and I fall.
Here in this sacred grove of Yews and May Haw, I fly among the stars and the worlds beyond. Visions, words, sensation and thought converge into a blue white light that absorbs me into its fiery ball. I am not afraid. I know that the Goddess calls me to her and holds me safe to her breast, suckling me on the wisdom of the ages and giving me the knowledge to seek understanding. I grow in her arms and change.
She blesses me with the gift of myself, the understanding of my place in this lifetime. I will touch the Goddess Pathways to the continuation of my days with hope. In an instant, I am made supple once more as She removes the hard shell of pain and worry that I carry. The Goddess gives new breath in my lungs and washes out the stagnant air of resignation, replacing it with determination. I ascend to something more than the mediocre woman who entered this grove of the Goddess. My spirit has once again been reconnected with Divinity and I feel a freedom I have not felt for quite some time.
She holds be tightly for a moment longer and then places me in the palm of her hand. With a smile ever so tender, She blows me gently with stardust and I, like thistle down, float back into this place where I first began my Goddess Delve. I feel my wide open eyes come into focus as I return to the here and now. Once again I am among my own skin.
I lie back upon the ground and look up at the sky, my long hair spread all about me. The Moon is straight above and it lights everything around me with gilded light. I smile softly to myself, I am renewed and reconfigured. The Goddess has gifted me with a new perspective on my life and what lies ahead. Tenderly I place my tools back in my bag, collect my torch, and walk the familiar path back to my front door and go inside.
All is well within. I tuck the covers in around my children and kiss them softly. As I brush the hair from their brows to see them more clearly… I have a flash of an image of myself, oil in moonlight glistening on my own brow. I feel the Divine Goddess within me and I feel light. The baby flips over and her toes peek out from under the covers, calling me back to myself. The four children are deep in the arms of Morpheus and I know they are safe.
After putting away my things, I tie on my night rail. My husband gathers me closely as I crawl into the warm bed and snuggle up to him. I sleep more soundly than I have in a long time. I know the Goddess has gifted me with something wonderful. It lies glowing inside my heart and brilliant inside my mind.
The Goddess reminds me, "I am within."
I take this journal and pen from their place within my altar cabinet and sit at the kitchen table with a warm cup of coffee. I gingerly sip as I write this entry. It is dated the date if the event. So that if I ever wish to visit the power of this night again. Ill have the exact same moon as is written here. I still feel Goddess within. I close my eyes and I see her. I feel her stardust touch me...my heart swells and I am moved to tears.
Present day
April 24, 2026
I feel heady with this memory. I no longer perform the Goddess Delve.
The nursing home really isn't conducive to that kind of meditation. I've not given up, but have the need to form a new ritual for the purpose.
So much has happened since that night, so many changes. Some good, some bad and some things remain the same.
For now, I lay in bed and sleep; and dream of the Goddesses brilliance on a moon lit night many years ago.
Peace be within you...child of magick,
Stephanie